Day Nine

“Without the true interaction of sincerity and loving kindness, no relationship can be deemed authentic.”

I’m not feeling myself tonight, so I’m going to make this one short. This is not exclusive to romantic relationships.  Sincerity and kindness are essential to any relationship, but they are not the only essentials. Truth is another big one. I would rather have someone be truthful and it hurt my feelings a bit than lie to me and spare me the pain. Why? Because the truth will eventually come out, and the pain will be at least two-fold (the pain of truth, and the pain of someone who was trusted lying to me).

This is beginning to feel like more of a rant than a spiritual journey (which is what I had intended it to be).  As will all true progress, this is going at a snail’s pace. I can feel a slight difference now from when I began, but I can’t feel the difference day-to-day. Every day I feel myself caring more and helping more. There are times (already) when I just want to trash to project and keep going the way I have been for years, but I know that there is a purpose for the project. And I get this feeling – a slight twitching in my intuition – something I’ve been looking forward to for years (something I’ve REALLY wanted) will happen if I finish. It may sound selfish, but I am doing this for me and not for everyone else. While it’s true that others will benefit from my being a better person, I am doing this for my, first and foremost.

Enough for tonight, I need to get to bed before I fall asleep on my laptop. Goodnight, all. Have a lovely day.

Day Seven

“One’s compassion for others is feeble until one has mastered compassion through the discipline of harmonizing one’s body, speech and mind.”

It has become apparent to me that my project is having an effect on other people, as well as myself. How do I know? If the events of today had happened two weeks ago, they would have been handled in a very different manner. I had someone from my past contact me today because he wants to talk. Two weeks ago I would have told him to piss off and leave me alone, but as I am trying to be more compassionate when it comes to the suffering of others, I will be contacting him tomorrow.

So, onto today’s lesson; well, I’m working on it. I have had a sharp tongue for well over a decade, and I am a little jaded from several events which have transpired over the course of my adult life. With that in mind, I’m sure my loyal readers can understand that it is difficult to keep the first words out of my mouth from being snarky and sarcastic, but I am working on it.

To answer a concern addressed a couple days ago; I am not trying to make myself perfect. I have no desire to be the type of person who make everyone else look bad by being so absolutely wonderful all the time. What I am trying to do is become the person I have always wanted to be. I want to be someone who takes time out of my day to help others (whether by helping to change a flat tire or buying someone food who doesn’t have any, or helping a friend with a project that can change her life for the better). I want to be that person, and it is going to take a lot of work for me to get there, but I am willing to put in the necessary hours.

I would write more about my journey tonight, but I have a friend who is about to hit a rough patch and I will be sending him all of the loving energy I can spare to help him get through as smoothly as possible. Goodnight, all.

Day Six

“To extend loving kindness and compassion without condition is the definitive action of benevolence.”

                Today was a crash day. That’s what I call it when all of the negative emotions I have been suppressing come crashing through my barriers and overwhelm me all at once. I woke up far earlier than I should have, completely convinced that I was the most hated human on the planet. Of course, I know this isn’t true and after a few hours of tears and reflection I was able to convince myself of this.

                I was not alone in my endeavor. I had a few dear friends share some encouraging thoughts and words, and even though I was still crying, it was good to know that I was am loved and that I have good friends who are there for me when I need them. To my, these friends embody today’s lesson. One friend in particular – yes, I know you’re reading this and you know exactly who you are – has shown such kindness and compassion that nothing I do will ever be enough to thank her. Yet she expects nothing in return (aside from my friendship, which I willingly give).

                Unconditional love is a funny thing. I have loved unconditionally before; recently, in fact. Do you know what I got from giving this unconditional love? Five years of lies, deceit, and being used. I believe that extending love, kindness, and compassion is a wonderful thing, and people who are able to do so have an amazing gift. However, it has been pointed out to me that while it is important to show others love and compassion, it is equally important to show yourself some as well.

                This confused me a bit at first, but then as I thought on it, it really set in. If I were to use all of my energy in one single day being kind to others and being completely selfless, I’m sure people would think I was a great person. But if I did that, I would have no energy left for myself and could end up very sick (I have had it happen on several occasions). From personal experience, the average cold will last 2-3 days. So if I give my all to others for one day, I will have to be selfish for 2-3 in order to recover, but if I save a little love and kindness for myself (translation – if I take care of others AND take care of myself), I will be giving a little less each day, but I will be able to share more of the love that I have to give because I will not be spending so much of my time trying to recover.

                What I gleaned from today’s lesson is this: showing compassion and kindness to others, without expecting payment for your deeds, is one of the most noble things you can do for others and yourself.

Day Four

“Love is the motive, the will, and the power source that propels every single human desire into fruition. So be mindful to maintain pure intent in all things we undertake.”

                When I told a friend today about this project, he told me he was worried about me and made me promise not to overextend myself. With the holidays so close, work has slowed down, I just finished finals for my classes, and all of the groups I belong to are taking a break until at least a week after the New Year; I didn’t understand where he thought I would be overextending anything. He explained that self-improvement is a big project, bigger than most realize. I love my friends, but this one in particular, he is my best friend.

                Family and friends are very important to me. I was lucky enough to be raised by wonderful parents, and be part of a loving and supportive family. Because of that, I sometimes forget that not everyone has been so fortunate. Not everyone is from a loving family, and not everyone can count on their friends for help when things get rough. It is not only me who is able to rely on my family and friends; they can rely on me as well. I can’t always help as much as I would like to, but I help in any way I can.

                What motivates me to help these people (and them me)? Love. Love is the driving force behind my actions when it comes to my family and friends. It is one of the most powerful forces in the world, and yet it is also one of the most fragile (as well as the one most taken for granted). Most people I know love their family and friends; not all, but most. We are all pre-programed to love those who are closest to us. But what of those we do not know? Those people we see every day, but do not know. So many of us just ignore these people and go on with our day. I see many people every day who are suffering. I can see it in their eyes, their posture, and their movements.

                While I was out today running errands, I did an experiment. As I walked through the grocery store or the Post Office, I smiled; such a simple thing to do. I smiled at the clerks who helped me and every person I passed. Almost everyone smiled back. Why did I do this? Because this morning I realized that I wanted to do something nice for everyone I saw today. For once there was no ulterior motive, I just wanted to brighten someone’s day, I while not all of the smiles were genuine, I could tell that at least a few people were glad to see a smiling face.

                In today’s lesson and reflection, I learned that love, kindness, and happiness are infectious, and that doing kindness for others is also doing kindness for me. I didn’t get anything monetarily from my smile experiment, but every smile that was returned warmed my heart, as I’m sure my smile warmed the hearts of others.

My Own Way

Since I have never been part of a coven, and I've never had a teacher, my only real guide is myself and whatever books I can get my hands on. This has its good and bad points. Since I have no teacher, I can just figure out whatever feels right and works for me, I don't have to follow the rituals and precise ways of someone else. The downside to it is that I have no one to teach me; there is no one to help me through my rituals and spells and no one to correct me if I'm doing something wrong.

This solitary methodology has led me to an interesting world of spiritual exploration. While I am certain there is a God and Goddess that help with whatever I may need, I can also feel different energies around me that are associated with the elements.

With this knowledge in hand, I figured out that most of the spells and energy is working with the elements, so I have adjusted the rituals to accommodate this. At first, I would light a white candle for each direction (North, East, South, West), but now that I know each is associated with a different element, I respect the differences and use a different medium for each direction (North - Earth - soil, East - Air - incense, South - Fire - candle, West - Water - holy water). I call each of the elements in turn (it is different each time, depending on how I am feeling and what I wish to accomplish) and then perform my spell or ritual.

Since making this change, I have noticed an increased success rate; not of my spells working, but working the way I wanted them to work. It is a wonderful feeling when something turns out the way it is intended.

Solo

Would have posted this sooner, but by cold has been kicking my rear end these past few days.

Wednesday evening, I performed my very first solo ritual. One of the ingredients I need for the cleansing I will be doing tomorrow is Holy Water, which is in short supply, since there are no stores in the area. Anyway, I adapted the Holy Water ritual from Silver RavenWolf's book Solitary Witch. Since it was my first solitary ritual, as well as my first ritual in nearly 5 years, I decided to have the instructions written down next to me for each step (so I wouldn't forget anything).

The feeling was absolutely amazing. I could feel the power of the Goddess and God flowing through me as I preformed the blessing. It was enough to make me cry tears of joy, and when I was finished, I was full of a confidence and energy I haven't felt in years. Truly, if you have never performed a ritual, whether alone or with others, I highly recommend it.

Unexpected Delays

I meant to post what I have done to rid myself of my "unwanted visitor," but there have been a few delays in my doing anything at all. First, I have been sick, which absolutely sucks. Second, I have a difficult time doing anything "Witchy" while my family is home, and there's almost always someone home. Third, a close friend of mine has been in crisis and I have been focused on helping him out.

Luckily for me, I have been able to do a few things, so the attacks have been much less severe. My room has two windows and one door (not including the closet). I cleansed five stones/crystals that have natural protective qualities, and I charged them with protective energy. Once that was done, I placed one stone on each end of the two windowsills, and one on centered on top of the door frame.

I've not yet completed a cleansing of the house, but I am expecting the house to myself tonight, and I should have plenty of time. If not, I will have three-ish hours on Sunday while everyone is at church.

Book of Shadows

I started working on my Book of Shadows today. Years ago, I remember thinking a Book of Shadows (BOS) had to be a huge, leather-bound book. It had to be filled with parchment paper and I would write in it all of my spells and thoughts on magick, but it would have to be written with an old-fashioned quill pen in perfect, even handwriting. It's entirely possible that I watched too much "Sabrina: The Teenage Witch" and "Charmed" when I was younger. I have since learned that the medium doesn't matter so much as the intent. So, without further ado, here's how I set up my BOS.

Materials:
1 - 2" Black Binder
1 - Silver Sharpie
2 - Packs of Sheet Protectors
1 - Pack of Binder Paper
2 - Packs of Dividers

With the silver Sharpie, I wrote "Book of Shadows" on the front cover. Then I opened the packs of sheet protectors and put them inside the binder. I printed out the Wiccan Rede and slipped it into the first sheet protector. I have also printed out a few spells, meditations, and general guides (meanings of colors, different crystals and stones, and a few other tidbits) that will also go in. The binder paper is all the way at the back, so that if I have notes to write or if I want to write or modify a spell, I can use that and then put it in a sheet protector. For the dividers, I have written on the tabs a few different sections for easy reference (basic rituals, cleansing spells, general information, meditations, tarot readings, tools, runes...).

It really is much easier to put together than I had originally anticipated. And, of course, what I did may not work for everyone, just do what is comfortable for you and within budget. There really is no need to break the bank buying a special journal to use if you don't have the money for one. Especially at back-to-school time, when many stores are having sales on everything I used for my own BOS. What's really important in all of this is that, no matter how you do it, your BOS works for YOU.

Blessed Be,
NightDancer