Don't Spell Angry

If the name doesn't make sense, it soon will. I'm pretty sure just about everyone loses their temper sometimes. We all get mad, get hurt, and when that happens, some of us just want to get even. The unfortunate side effect of these feelings is that usually someone gets hurt when people seek vengeance, and the vengeful person usually ends up regretting their actions.

For those of us who are part of the magical community, this gets even more dangerous (and it becomes even more important to calm yourself down). Really, what's the worst that could happen? So many things, especially if you think the best course of action is revenge and you are proficient with spells. Take into consideration that, when someone is angry or hurt, they "Harm None" thing tends to fly out the window.

From personal experience, I know that there are two options when a person is extremely angry, hurt, or upset when attempting spell-work. The first option is that you will be unable to focus properly; in this circumstance, the intent of the spell can be skewed. Even if you attempting to heal the emotional pain you are suffering, the energy can go wild, instead harming yourself or someone close to you. The second option is that you will be able to focus intently. So what? So you may believe you are thinking clearly and that you really do want to (insert malevolent action here) to whomever hurt you or belittled you or wronged you, but when you are calm again, you will realize that what you did was wrong. And when you realize that it is better to forgive people who are jerks sometimes, it will be too late, because by then the damage will have been done (and at this point, YOU will be the bigger jerk).

No matter how right it may feel at the time, you should never attempt a ritual or spell while you are mad. Take the time to cool off and calm down. And even when you are calm, make sure that your spell-work is focused on letting go and healing instead of harming those who have harmed you.

Day Twenty-nine

“Self-reflection is more than just the means and the end of self-examination and self-rectification; it is the path which leads to the consecration of self-realization.”

With my schedule a little more limited this week, I have decided to cut back to every-other day until I can work out the proper balance of time each day for all I have to accomplish. Hopefully I will be back to daily meditations once I can get my schedule under control.

I’ve been working on this project for around a month now, and the daily reflection has helped me to better understand my true nature. It’s funny, I was thinking about it before I even opened my laptop to find out today’s reflection; I have to say that at this point, I’m not terribly impressed. As much as I would like to say that I am doing so much for others since I began, I have truly just become more selfish than ever before.

Don’t get me wrong, I am doing more each day that benefits others, but I am not doing it solely for the benefit of those others. I am really doing it for me; I do nice things so that people will acknowledge me and tell me how wonderful I am. And when I don’t get my way…well, let’s just say I’m not a very nice person when I don’t get my way. That’s not to say that I throw a fit or beat the crap out of people; I’m more subtle than that.

This project was supposed to help me find balance, and I suppose it’s working grandly, as I am far more accepting of who I am compared to how accepting I was a month ago when this all began.

I can’t say whether or not I will truly become a better person when this is all said and done, but I do know that I will know exactly who I am and what I am capable of.

Blessed Be

Day Twenty-Six

“True happiness comes with the realization of one’s true nature and identity.”

I needed a few days off to reflect on where I truly am in my life right now. Things have been up and down (mostly down) this year, and I needed to take a step back and get some perspective. I realized that part of the reason I’m unhappy is because I’m holding onto old ideas and dreams that aren’t my own. Some are from my family, others from past failures in an attempt to find love, and others still are from friends. My eyes are more open now than ever before, and with that comes the ability to see that some things either need to be put on the back-burner for a while, or thrown out altogether.

Some projects that were precious to me are getting tossed out. It’s time to start anew. The reason I’m starting over now is because I’m finding out what I enjoy. I am accepting things that – in the past – I didn’t like about myself. But the reason I didn’t like these things is because someone else said it was wrong for me to be a certain way, or like certain things, or think certain thoughts. Well guess what? It’s my life, and no one can dictate what I can and cannot do except me. I’m not talking about breaking laws here; I’m just talking about being myself and being ok with who I am.

Part of this process is breaking down the barriers that I’ve worked so hard to put up around myself. Unfortunately, the raw emotions those barriers used to keep out is flooding into my soul at a rather alarming rate. The emotions are completely overwhelming part of the time, and I find myself only able to cry. As I learn the driving force behind each emotion, I am able to gain a bit of control over it. Slowly, I am opening myself up as well as discovering who I am. And so far I have discovered that I may not be the person everyone wants me to be, but I am the best me I can be (and getting better by the day)…which is something I am happy with.

Finding your true self is not something that just happens. It takes time and effort; but it is worth everything you put into it and more.

Blessed Be

Day Twenty One

“Without first taking note from the way how we respond to the world around us through repeated listening, repeated contemplation and repeated meditation, there can be no advancement in our spiritual growth, and without spiritual evolution, there can never be true happiness or peace of mind.”

Sometimes change seems easy and effortless. Other times, it can be the most difficult thing in the world. One of the ways I have changed lately is to really take in what people tell me, to listen more than I talk, and to show more respect to those around me. That was actually one of the easier things I’ve done.

This project is one of the more difficult tasks; things that create real change in your life always will be. I spend a little more time each day in meditation, reflecting not only on the day’s lesson, but also on the events of my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself in that time; such as how many things have gone awry and how often everything seems to just fall apart at the most inconvenient times. However, I don’t regret anything that’s gone wrong in my life. Every step has led me to this moment, and with the changes that are happening, I can’t be upset about any of the bad things that’ve happened.

It’s slow progress, but I can feel the peace settling over me with each passing day. My mind is opening and so is my heart, and with those two things comes a happiness I haven’t known in a very long time.

Blessed Be.

Day Sixteen

“Inner peace does not come about through retreating from the world, but by functioning in the world without being shackled by the confines of self-centered desires.”

If this is true, I’m never finding inner peace. In all fairness, I’m not self-centered all the time, but it does take up a decent portion of my day. I have been a little less lately. Not really saying I’ve become a saint or anything like that, just little things. Like many others, I have a touch of OCD; a side effect of this is that I love numbers. I find math and number puzzles very soothing. So when I am feeling anxious or bored, I find a way to play with numbers. One of my favorite things to do along these lines is “What If” scenarios, in which I look at the lottery jackpot and plan what I would do with the money if I were to win.

Yesterday was one such day. I spent hours working on my spreadsheet. There are many things on the list that are just for me - such as a trip to England – but there are also things for others. I’ve always had listed to pay off my parents’ house and buy my sis one, but now I’m thinking bigger. I have specific dollar amounts listed to donate to local and international charities each month (should I someday win); I want to open a horse-therapy organization in my area (where people can come to learn self-confidence and independence); helping my friends realize their dreams. The list goes on, and (had I actually won last night) I am barely scratching the surface of what I could accomplish.

Yes, I know writing things like this down doesn’t prove I’m less self-centered, but the fact that I’m thinking of more than just myself and my immediate family shows me that I am making progress. It may not seem like much to those reading my blog, but it is a huge step to me.

Still haven’t quite made it to the “inner peace” level yet; I’m still pretty far off that mark. But it is nice to know someone as selfish as me can be changed by a little reflection.

That about wraps it up for tonight. Goodnight, and Blessed Be.

Day Fifteen

“True happiness comes from within and has little bearing on the affectation of indifference to external sources.”

T’was another long, uneventful day. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to get a few things accomplished (like going to the gym and doing some cleaning around the house), but nothing really extraordinary happened today.

Today’s lesson almost sounds like it’s telling us that happiness comes from within and has nothing to do with the world around us. While I wholeheartedly agree with the first part, I cannot agree with the second. All of us are affected daily by the world around us and the actions of those who reside there.

As much as I would love to tell you that the only opinion that really matters to me is my own; that would be a lie. The opinions of others matter a great deal to me, which is why I dress the way I do, listen to the music I listen to, and make many of my daily decisions. What other people say and do affect us all; and one of the ways it can affect us is by altering our happiness. When a person insults me, it has a negative effect on my attitude. I could be on cloud nine, but I hear one bad comment and I’m suddenly so angry I could scream.

While the basis of happiness comes from within, outside influences can (and will) change one’s outlook. Don’t fret, however; we all choose what we do with the energy other people send our way. While I may not handle the negativity well, that doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. The world is what you make of it, and I guess that’s what really matters with today’s lesson.

I would continue my thoughts, but I’m suddenly overcome by a wave of sleepiness.

Goodnight, everyone. Blessed be.