“True happiness comes with the realization of one’s true
nature and identity.”
I needed a few days off to reflect on where I truly am in my
life right now. Things have been up and down (mostly down) this year, and I
needed to take a step back and get some perspective. I realized that part of the
reason I’m unhappy is because I’m holding onto old ideas and dreams that aren’t
my own. Some are from my family, others from past failures in an attempt to
find love, and others still are from friends. My eyes are more open now than
ever before, and with that comes the ability to see that some things either
need to be put on the back-burner for a while, or thrown out altogether.
Some projects that were precious to me are getting tossed
out. It’s time to start anew. The reason I’m starting over now is because I’m
finding out what I enjoy. I am accepting things that – in the past – I didn’t
like about myself. But the reason I didn’t like these things is because someone
else said it was wrong for me to be a certain way, or like certain things, or
think certain thoughts. Well guess what? It’s my life, and no one can dictate
what I can and cannot do except me. I’m not talking about breaking laws here; I’m
just talking about being myself and being ok with who I am.
Part of this process is breaking down the barriers that I’ve
worked so hard to put up around myself. Unfortunately, the raw emotions those barriers
used to keep out is flooding into my soul at a rather alarming rate. The
emotions are completely overwhelming part of the time, and I find myself only
able to cry. As I learn the driving force behind each emotion, I am able to
gain a bit of control over it. Slowly, I am opening myself up as well as
discovering who I am. And so far I have discovered that I may not be the person
everyone wants me to be, but I am the best me I can be (and getting better by
the day)…which is something I am happy with.
Finding your true self is not something that just happens.
It takes time and effort; but it is worth everything you put into it and more.
Blessed Be
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