Don't Spell Angry

If the name doesn't make sense, it soon will. I'm pretty sure just about everyone loses their temper sometimes. We all get mad, get hurt, and when that happens, some of us just want to get even. The unfortunate side effect of these feelings is that usually someone gets hurt when people seek vengeance, and the vengeful person usually ends up regretting their actions.

For those of us who are part of the magical community, this gets even more dangerous (and it becomes even more important to calm yourself down). Really, what's the worst that could happen? So many things, especially if you think the best course of action is revenge and you are proficient with spells. Take into consideration that, when someone is angry or hurt, they "Harm None" thing tends to fly out the window.

From personal experience, I know that there are two options when a person is extremely angry, hurt, or upset when attempting spell-work. The first option is that you will be unable to focus properly; in this circumstance, the intent of the spell can be skewed. Even if you attempting to heal the emotional pain you are suffering, the energy can go wild, instead harming yourself or someone close to you. The second option is that you will be able to focus intently. So what? So you may believe you are thinking clearly and that you really do want to (insert malevolent action here) to whomever hurt you or belittled you or wronged you, but when you are calm again, you will realize that what you did was wrong. And when you realize that it is better to forgive people who are jerks sometimes, it will be too late, because by then the damage will have been done (and at this point, YOU will be the bigger jerk).

No matter how right it may feel at the time, you should never attempt a ritual or spell while you are mad. Take the time to cool off and calm down. And even when you are calm, make sure that your spell-work is focused on letting go and healing instead of harming those who have harmed you.

Day Fifteen

“True happiness comes from within and has little bearing on the affectation of indifference to external sources.”

T’was another long, uneventful day. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to get a few things accomplished (like going to the gym and doing some cleaning around the house), but nothing really extraordinary happened today.

Today’s lesson almost sounds like it’s telling us that happiness comes from within and has nothing to do with the world around us. While I wholeheartedly agree with the first part, I cannot agree with the second. All of us are affected daily by the world around us and the actions of those who reside there.

As much as I would love to tell you that the only opinion that really matters to me is my own; that would be a lie. The opinions of others matter a great deal to me, which is why I dress the way I do, listen to the music I listen to, and make many of my daily decisions. What other people say and do affect us all; and one of the ways it can affect us is by altering our happiness. When a person insults me, it has a negative effect on my attitude. I could be on cloud nine, but I hear one bad comment and I’m suddenly so angry I could scream.

While the basis of happiness comes from within, outside influences can (and will) change one’s outlook. Don’t fret, however; we all choose what we do with the energy other people send our way. While I may not handle the negativity well, that doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. The world is what you make of it, and I guess that’s what really matters with today’s lesson.

I would continue my thoughts, but I’m suddenly overcome by a wave of sleepiness.

Goodnight, everyone. Blessed be.

Day Thirteen

“In all relationships, avoid the embroilment of power struggle and hidden agenda which involves, either manipulating our partner into submission, or compromising yourself for the sake of sustaining a state of dependency.”

Merry Christmas (for those who celebrate)! For those who don’t, I still hope you had a wonderful day. Today was a long day for me, but not in a bad way.

As with yesterday, I haven’t had a lot of time to contemplate the lesson today. Though, I don’t know that ‘lesson’ is the right word. In a way it is a lesson I have already learned, but one I never really had words for. Today it’s more of a drop of wisdom.

Today’s drop of wisdom describes at least my last five relationships. I’ve been on both sides of the dial on this one, but all of them were the same power struggle. All ended the same way: with hearts (and sometimes spirits) broken. Granted, not every relationship is “meant to be”, but when a power struggle exists between two people, things rarely end well for both parties.

Of course, this is true for all relationships, not just romantic ones. I am usually on the ‘dependency’ side when it comes to friendships. For any relationship to last, both people need to be willing to give sometimes; to make sacrifices; there must be compromise between all involved. If these things do not exist, the relationship is not a healthy one.

When I say ‘healthy’, that doesn’t mean that things are rainbows and butterflies every day – if it is, one (or both) of you is living in a world of pure delusion. Family, friends, and lovers – all argue sometimes. Everyone has disagreements, sometimes you may even go extended periods of time before talking to each other again, but that’s all part of having relationships. We learn and grow through adversity and being pushed to our limits, not by sitting back and letting life pass us by.

I just realized that I don’t write much about my spiritual experiences and practices. With the title of my blog, most people would presume it had something to do with Witchcraft or Paganism. While that is my intention, I do not feel that is possible at the moment. I am not in a great place personally, and I feel the need for some growth and reflection before I am able to move forward spiritually. Please bear with my through this process, you may learn something about yourself as well.

Blessed be.

Day Four

“Love is the motive, the will, and the power source that propels every single human desire into fruition. So be mindful to maintain pure intent in all things we undertake.”

                When I told a friend today about this project, he told me he was worried about me and made me promise not to overextend myself. With the holidays so close, work has slowed down, I just finished finals for my classes, and all of the groups I belong to are taking a break until at least a week after the New Year; I didn’t understand where he thought I would be overextending anything. He explained that self-improvement is a big project, bigger than most realize. I love my friends, but this one in particular, he is my best friend.

                Family and friends are very important to me. I was lucky enough to be raised by wonderful parents, and be part of a loving and supportive family. Because of that, I sometimes forget that not everyone has been so fortunate. Not everyone is from a loving family, and not everyone can count on their friends for help when things get rough. It is not only me who is able to rely on my family and friends; they can rely on me as well. I can’t always help as much as I would like to, but I help in any way I can.

                What motivates me to help these people (and them me)? Love. Love is the driving force behind my actions when it comes to my family and friends. It is one of the most powerful forces in the world, and yet it is also one of the most fragile (as well as the one most taken for granted). Most people I know love their family and friends; not all, but most. We are all pre-programed to love those who are closest to us. But what of those we do not know? Those people we see every day, but do not know. So many of us just ignore these people and go on with our day. I see many people every day who are suffering. I can see it in their eyes, their posture, and their movements.

                While I was out today running errands, I did an experiment. As I walked through the grocery store or the Post Office, I smiled; such a simple thing to do. I smiled at the clerks who helped me and every person I passed. Almost everyone smiled back. Why did I do this? Because this morning I realized that I wanted to do something nice for everyone I saw today. For once there was no ulterior motive, I just wanted to brighten someone’s day, I while not all of the smiles were genuine, I could tell that at least a few people were glad to see a smiling face.

                In today’s lesson and reflection, I learned that love, kindness, and happiness are infectious, and that doing kindness for others is also doing kindness for me. I didn’t get anything monetarily from my smile experiment, but every smile that was returned warmed my heart, as I’m sure my smile warmed the hearts of others.

Day Two

“Action that arises from the motivation of awakening mind can always be counted upon to deliver the right kind of fruition.”

                I felt part of yesterday’s resolve slipping during today’s morning traffic. Luckily, as the day continued I could feel the peace creeping back into the center of my being. After a rather full work day, I came home to an evening of chores and helping with homework. However, I was able to take a short amount of time to myself for today’s lesson. 

                I recently experienced an awakening; not of my mind, but of my heart. It is a strange thing, feeling something so powerful one day, only to wake up the next and realize it was all a lie. No matter how much I may have wanted to close my eyes and keep believing the lie (and I did try), I knew that I would never believe it again.

                An awakening of the mind is very similar. It is when you realize that there is more to life than you. If you have not yet been awakened in this way, then you are (in my opinion) missing out. As with my compassion, I am on the path to awakening. My eyes are slowly opening to the truth that is all around me. As much as I want it to sometimes, the world does not revolve around me; there are many others that I must share it with, and though some may have it better, there are those who have it worse.

                With this in mind, I come to the conclusion of today’s lesson. The acts of someone who is awakening (or has already done so) are for the good of others, and not for selfish reasons. Because of this, the outcome will be beneficial to many instead of just to one.

Day One

“Compassion is not an expression of ordinary love tainted by the attachment to emotion. It is the energy of loving kindness that comes about as one’s mind awakens to the recognition that life we deemed as normal is impermanent and the lack of our recognition of its true nature is the cause of suffering.” 

                We all see people suffering every day. Many of us are willing to help a family member or a friend, but how many of us would go out of our way to help a stranger? How many see someone who is homeless or hungry and stop to help that person? The answer is both simple and unfortunate: not enough. 

                Compassion. We hear the word so often in life, yet many of us are unsure of what it really is. Compassion is showing love and kindness to others. No emotional connection is needed to show compassion, but there must be love in your heart. It is not limited to human beings; we can be compassionate towards animals as well and, in my opinion, the Earth.

                Around the world, compassion is seen as one of the greatest virtues; it is a virtue that I have been lacking for a long time. After reflecting on this the first lesson, I know that I need to take steps to refresh and renew the compassion which has been dormant inside of me for years. The first step I will need to take is to reawaken my empathy. I am working with a Reiki healer to realign and balance my chakras, which is necessary to my ability to feel empathy, since there is currently a rather solid wall around my heart. 

                I feel that today’s meditation has helped me to see the folly of my ways. I have for so long been focused only on myself and, occasionally, focus on my family and friends. That changes today. I can already feel the shift in my personal energy and my way of thinking. There is more to life than the shallow existence I have been leading, and now that my eyes are open to this, I do not intend to let them close again.

108 Days of Reflection and Meditation

Yesterday I was guided to a website (www.pathgate.org). One of the many pages is titled “Gems of Wisdom for Daily Meditation”. There are a total of 108 selections of Lama Dondrup Dorje’s teachings that are used by his students for daily reflection.

Today, I will start with the first “gem” for reflection and meditation. Each day, I will write down my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to that day’s teaching. My goal at the end of the 108 days is to know myself, and make positive changes in myself, my family, and the world around me. Through this exercise, I also hope to be better equipped to help those around me, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

My Own Way

Since I have never been part of a coven, and I've never had a teacher, my only real guide is myself and whatever books I can get my hands on. This has its good and bad points. Since I have no teacher, I can just figure out whatever feels right and works for me, I don't have to follow the rituals and precise ways of someone else. The downside to it is that I have no one to teach me; there is no one to help me through my rituals and spells and no one to correct me if I'm doing something wrong.

This solitary methodology has led me to an interesting world of spiritual exploration. While I am certain there is a God and Goddess that help with whatever I may need, I can also feel different energies around me that are associated with the elements.

With this knowledge in hand, I figured out that most of the spells and energy is working with the elements, so I have adjusted the rituals to accommodate this. At first, I would light a white candle for each direction (North, East, South, West), but now that I know each is associated with a different element, I respect the differences and use a different medium for each direction (North - Earth - soil, East - Air - incense, South - Fire - candle, West - Water - holy water). I call each of the elements in turn (it is different each time, depending on how I am feeling and what I wish to accomplish) and then perform my spell or ritual.

Since making this change, I have noticed an increased success rate; not of my spells working, but working the way I wanted them to work. It is a wonderful feeling when something turns out the way it is intended.

Solo

Would have posted this sooner, but by cold has been kicking my rear end these past few days.

Wednesday evening, I performed my very first solo ritual. One of the ingredients I need for the cleansing I will be doing tomorrow is Holy Water, which is in short supply, since there are no stores in the area. Anyway, I adapted the Holy Water ritual from Silver RavenWolf's book Solitary Witch. Since it was my first solitary ritual, as well as my first ritual in nearly 5 years, I decided to have the instructions written down next to me for each step (so I wouldn't forget anything).

The feeling was absolutely amazing. I could feel the power of the Goddess and God flowing through me as I preformed the blessing. It was enough to make me cry tears of joy, and when I was finished, I was full of a confidence and energy I haven't felt in years. Truly, if you have never performed a ritual, whether alone or with others, I highly recommend it.

Unexpected Delays

I meant to post what I have done to rid myself of my "unwanted visitor," but there have been a few delays in my doing anything at all. First, I have been sick, which absolutely sucks. Second, I have a difficult time doing anything "Witchy" while my family is home, and there's almost always someone home. Third, a close friend of mine has been in crisis and I have been focused on helping him out.

Luckily for me, I have been able to do a few things, so the attacks have been much less severe. My room has two windows and one door (not including the closet). I cleansed five stones/crystals that have natural protective qualities, and I charged them with protective energy. Once that was done, I placed one stone on each end of the two windowsills, and one on centered on top of the door frame.

I've not yet completed a cleansing of the house, but I am expecting the house to myself tonight, and I should have plenty of time. If not, I will have three-ish hours on Sunday while everyone is at church.

Book of Shadows

I started working on my Book of Shadows today. Years ago, I remember thinking a Book of Shadows (BOS) had to be a huge, leather-bound book. It had to be filled with parchment paper and I would write in it all of my spells and thoughts on magick, but it would have to be written with an old-fashioned quill pen in perfect, even handwriting. It's entirely possible that I watched too much "Sabrina: The Teenage Witch" and "Charmed" when I was younger. I have since learned that the medium doesn't matter so much as the intent. So, without further ado, here's how I set up my BOS.

Materials:
1 - 2" Black Binder
1 - Silver Sharpie
2 - Packs of Sheet Protectors
1 - Pack of Binder Paper
2 - Packs of Dividers

With the silver Sharpie, I wrote "Book of Shadows" on the front cover. Then I opened the packs of sheet protectors and put them inside the binder. I printed out the Wiccan Rede and slipped it into the first sheet protector. I have also printed out a few spells, meditations, and general guides (meanings of colors, different crystals and stones, and a few other tidbits) that will also go in. The binder paper is all the way at the back, so that if I have notes to write or if I want to write or modify a spell, I can use that and then put it in a sheet protector. For the dividers, I have written on the tabs a few different sections for easy reference (basic rituals, cleansing spells, general information, meditations, tarot readings, tools, runes...).

It really is much easier to put together than I had originally anticipated. And, of course, what I did may not work for everyone, just do what is comfortable for you and within budget. There really is no need to break the bank buying a special journal to use if you don't have the money for one. Especially at back-to-school time, when many stores are having sales on everything I used for my own BOS. What's really important in all of this is that, no matter how you do it, your BOS works for YOU.

Blessed Be,
NightDancer

Something's Missing

I recently joined a great community for Pagans called WitchForum.net. There are a lot of really great people there and those great people are full of great information (which they are willing to share). Everyone has been very nice and helpful. I find myself drawn to their supernatural and paranormal encounters section and tonight, as I was reading some of the various topics other users have posted, I realized that there is something missing from my life. Story time!

I grew up in the same house my mom grew up in. It was a neighborhood I always felt safe in. Our neighbors were the same couple that had lived there since my mom was a child, so we were all very close. As I got older, I became aware of strange things happening in the house and around the neighborhood. I could go on forever with the stories, but I will just say that many of the strange things were supernatural in nature, and I was not the only one who saw them (or heard them; or felt them).

During my Naval training, I was stationed at a base that had been an airfield (I have mentioned in previous posts) and I had some pretty terrifying encounters with the supernatural while I was there. I went to the Mediterranean on my first ship. Though the ship was relatively safe (it had been commissioned the same year I joined), the same cannot be said about the all of the ports we visited. I saw several shadow people in Venice, as well as having a creature I could feel but not see physically attack me at one of our stops in Spain (I had three claw-marks across my back to prove it).

I bought a house in Virginia while I was stationed there. My ex talked me into it; I wanted the cute ranch-style house, but he insisted on a too-big, two-story duplex. I could not look at or go near the detached garage without feeling like it was watching me (with sinister intent). Early mornings, when I would wait for my friend to pick me up from work, I would sit on the front porch steps and watch cat-sized shadows dash back and forth across the street.

My second ship, significantly older than the first, was haunted by multiple spirits. The most notable being that of a young girl with curly hair. During a Tiger Cruise, she was playing in one of the ladder wells near the armory. She lost her grip and fell. I never did see her, but I knew several who did; she liked to play hide and seek or step out and scare people who went further down than the armory.

Finally, when I was discharged from the Navy, I returned home. The house I am currently living in is only about 20 years old, as is the rest of the neighborhood. It is a beautiful house and I love it, but there is something missing. All my life, I have been surrounded by the supernatural and it just does not exist in this house. I find myself missing the sinister feeling I would get when my "stalkers" were near; I would always cast a spell of protection or warding or banishing to get rid of them for a while, but they always came back. I miss watching the shadow-creatures playing in the moonlight. And I miss feeling anything supernatural happening.

Perhaps when I move I will find a house with a bit of history to it so I can grasp that supernatural presence again.

Deja Vu

For several months before my return to Paganism, I would have these strange episodes of deja vu. They were the most extreme in December. It wasn't just that I had experienced something similar, but I already knew exactly what was going to happen next. I would become dizzy and nauseated, and then I would just know. The most vivid was such a simple event: I was driving home from work and chatting on the phone with my fiance (using a headset, of course). I felt the dizziness and nausea, and suddenly I knew exactly how the conversation would pan out; every joke, every detail, every sigh. I even knew that I would be seeing a wild rabbit bolt across the road ahead of me.

Now, I have done as much reading as I can on the subject, but since deja vu cannot be predicted, it is very difficult to for scientists to study in order to determine a cause. Now, being the open-minded person I am, I do not think that all things can be explained by science. This is one of those things. Instead, I like to think that these incidents were more a message from a guardian or guide to be on my toes. I have a very good reason for this line of thinking. Though I can't recall every incident of deja vu, the one mentioned above sticks out in my mind for another reason: it saved my life. I am the type of person who, if I think I can make it through a yellow light, I will speed up a bit. In my deja vu haze, I myself stopping like a good girl and another car blast through the intersection just as the light turned red for me to stop. Without that knowing that I needed to stop, I would have rolled through and been hit by the other car.

While I'm not certain what unseen entities surround us all daily, I am thankful that they are here and that st least some of them are benevolent and extremely helpful.

Blessed Be

Energy Works

Not everyone believes that they have the power to influence others. I know I didn't used to. When I was 18, I thought it was completely ridiculous to think that my moods or thoughts had any effect on those around me. I have since learned better. I was 19 the first time I realized that I could manipulate energy. As with many other life lessons, I had no idea the possibilities that were about to be presented.

It was an innocent mistake. My friends and I were standing around, joking as usual and playing with our lighters. We'd flip open our Zippos, watch the flame for a few second, then flip them closed and enjoy their warmth. I had started a game of sorts, to challenge my friends to which of us could tolerate the most heat, leaving the lighter burn a little longer each time. Unfortunately, a still-opened lighter slipped from one friend's grasp and fell on another's hand, burning him pretty bad. I, being curious and always ready to help, took his hand gently...at least, I tried to. As soon as my fingers touched him, he pulled his hand back as if I'd shocked him. After a mini-interrogation, in which I revealed that I was feeling concern and a desire to help my friend heal as I reached out to take his hand, I was told that he could feel a jolt of energy from me that had instantly cooled his burned hand.

Several days passed and, as expected, the wound began to heal, but at a greatly accelerated rate. By the time one week had passed, it was completely healed, leaving only a scar in the waffle-pattern of the flame guard of a Zippo lighter.


After that, I had several lessons on the responsible use of energy and have since experimented a few times, just to make sure I can still do it. In the 12 years since that first incident, I have lessened pain from injuries and helped people heal, as well as changing the mood of a room from negative to positive, making small changed in the weather, on one occasion making a very significant change in the weather, and many other things.

I learned that it is possible to make changes to those around me if I can focus on doing so. But there is also a cautionary tale to go along with this little anecdote: as with everything else in magick, the intent plays a part on the outcome of what you do. In my example above, I only wanted to help my friend, and it had miraculous results. However, I have done things in the past with purely selfish intent, not caring who was hurt in the process. And let me tell you something, Karma will come back to bite you in the butt when people get hurt because of a spell you cast. It's not pleasant.

Learn from my mistakes, be careful what you do when it comes to energy manipulation. It is more rewarding by far to use your skills to help others than to do harm on those who have hurt you. Just a little something to think about.

Blessed Be

Fueling the Fires of Ignorance

This story is part of the reason that I've been in the broom closet so long. Ignorance about witchcraft and the close-mindedness of reporters and so-called "religious experts" fuels the fear of any religion that is not main stream and it needs to stop.

If you're not interested in reading the article, I'll give you a basic rundown. Wednesday (7/6/11), a box with several decapitated animals was left outside a Tampa, FL jail. Investigators are rather convinced it was ritualistic and someone trying to send a message. The reporters also interviewed a religious expert who connected the incident with witchcraft.

I have read many more articles of a similar nature and I found an interesting pattern. Almost any time a region becomes accepting of the Pagan community, some story is spread around (whether true or not) about bad things happening that are somehow connected to witchcraft (in some form or other). It is disgusting that, in this day and age, there is so much fear and hatred towards the Pagan community. I'm wondering if there will ever truly be a time when "witch" is no longer considered a derogatory term. Only time will tell.

Handfasting

My fiance - who is not particularly religious - recently caved to my pestering and agreed to a Handfasting instead of a more "traditional" wedding ceremony. Now that the nagging has stopped, I have a more difficult task ahead of me: planning a ceremony that does not seriously offend my church-going relatives; most especially my uber-religious grandmother and her siblings. Luckily for me, one of my cousins is a Priestess and has already agreed to perform the ceremony/ritual for us.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my religious choices or the choices of my family, I just don't want anyone to have a heart attack or start screaming about how I'm a sinner and am going to hell on my wedding day. I've done some research online and read through a few books and most of them detail complicated rituals that likely make most of my friends and family very uncomfortable.

I was discussing this little dilemma with my cousin yesterday, and she came up with a solution I hadn't really thought of: for her, my fiance, and I to sit down and write a ceremony that works for us as a couple, but will not offend any of our non-Pagan guests.

We're going to wait until the wedding is a little closer before we have our first meeting, but at least we are headed in the right direction...ours.

Blessed Be

Peer Pressure

As I sit here on the couch today, I am contemplating the cycles of my spirituality. When I first started out, I had a few friends with me to help me learn and develop. They were encouraging and patient and all-around fabulous. Unfortunately, we were all in the military and once we had our orders, I never really saw or heard from them again. I remained strong in my beliefs and practices for several years after our parting.

Through the natural happenings of living in small spaces with too many people, I made some new friends. When I began hanging out with these friends outside of work, I realized that they (and the others they associated with) were all Christians (not that there's anything wrong with that). As another year went by, I found myself pressured to hide my religion from them, even though they all knew I was Pagan. My reasoning for this was that if they thought I had given up the "evil ways of Paganism and Witchcraft" they would stop pressuring me to attend church with them.

I was wrong.

Instead, it encouraged their persistence. Eventually, I folded under the pressure and went with them. In an effort to fit in, I continued going for several months, but I never really felt like I belonged there. Word had somehow leaked about me and I had strangers coming up to me saying things like "I'm going to pray for your salvation." At that point, the only thing I needed saving from was my choice to attend church.

When the time came for me to be transferred to a new command, I couldn't have been more excited. I was able to detach from the people I had considered friends, but who never really accepted me for who I am. Once I was free of the oppression of my so-called "friends" I began to get back in touch with the only spiritual path which ever felt right: Paganism. I continued to develop for several years before I left the military, I was strong in my religion, but not my spirituality.

I returned home to California after too many years of being away. Almost immediately, I realized that I was in foreign territory. Both my parents were raised Christian, as was pretty much the entire family. With the exception of one of my cousins and his wife, I was alone in my beliefs. Not knowing how the family would take it, I hid that part of myself from those whom I felt would not understand. As the months turned into years, I had lost touch with the part of me that remained hidden away in the broom closet.

As I've previously written, my parents and daughter started attending church several months ago. The peer pressure I thought was gone from my life re-emerged each week for months as I have been repeatedly asked to join them. Though I still not professed the entire truth, I finally told my dad, as he was nagging me to join them to a Wednesday night event, that I had different views and beliefs and that I was in no way interested in joining them. The result of me doing this was a Sunday morning free of nagging while the rest of the household prepared for church.

If only I had done that years ago, perhaps I could have avoided the feeling that I never fit in when I was pressured into attending church.

So, for those out there who have been feeling pressure from family, even if you are not ready to come out of the broom closet, be honest if you are not interested in going to church or attending faith ceremonies which otherwise leave you feeling empty. Your family and friends will still love you for who you are, even if they do not understand your reasoning.

Be strong, and know that there are others out there having similar issues. Take comfort in the knowledge that there is a wonderful support network out there of people who share your religion and views, all you have to do is reach out and someone will be there to help you.

Blessed Be

Don't Roll Your Eyes...

Tonight I prayed for the first time in a very long time. At this point, you may be asking why a self-proclaimed Pagan would spend any time praying. To this, I have but one question... why wouldn't I pray? Many of the Pagans I have met considered prayer a Christian thing and just wrote it off as useless to anyone who wasn't part of that religion. Of course, those were also the people who told me I was "doing it wrong" when I said I didn't belong to a coven, hadn't participated in any group ceremonies or rituals, and prefer a solitary practice of my religion/spirituality.

Back on topic, I have never known a more direct way to getting in touch with the higher powers than through prayer. There is no need for me to break out the altar and the white robe so that I can perform a ritual every time I wish to communicate. I don't have to chant, beat out a rhythm on the drums, or rhyme everything I say. I close my eyes, focus my energy, and reach out to the world around me. I usually don't pray aloud, since the sound of my own voice tends to break my concentration. Instead, I look within myself for what it is I am seeking and ask for it in my mind and in my heart. There is no set amount of time for me to do this; once I am certain that I have been "heard" by the higher powers, I give thanks and break the connection.

With what I've just revealed, you may now be asking a different question: How do you know when you've been heard? On this, I can only speak through my own experience. I feel it. It is a seed of warmth and light planted in my heart. Once the warmth and light surrounds me and envelops me in a sense of peace, I know I have been heard. This is one of the most wonderful feelings I have ever experienced. All of my fears and doubts are washed away, if only for a few moments.

Now I present you with a of couple questions of my own: How do you pray? How do you know if you have been heard?

Starting Over

I think part of the reason many people look down at Pagans is because, when asked about our beliefs, many of us do not know how to respond. This is probably because so many who are interested pick up whatever random book strikes their fancy and start in the middle instead of at the beginning. It is difficult to grasp the intricacies of rituals and develop a deep connection when you do not really understand what you are supposed to be connecting with. When I was younger, I remember spending hours in the "Alternative Religion" section of bookstores looking for spellbooks because I thought that's all there was to Wicca and Paganism.

After much searching, I have been able to find the books, tarot cards, crystals, and other items I thought I would never see again. Most of what I have are more "advanced" than I feel at the moment, so I went out and purchased a book called  Pagan Spirituality: A Guide to Personal Transformation. Don't get me wrong, the other books I have are wonderful and informative, but I feel the need to develop my spirituality before I venture out into the rest of Paganism.

How can anyone explain a religion they don't understand? The simple answer is: They can't. And too many people are afraid of Paganism (regardless of which branch of Paganism is practiced). When people ask what my religion is - and then question that religion - I want to be able to say with confidence what I believe and why others are wrong to think Pagans are evil.