Day Twenty One

“Without first taking note from the way how we respond to the world around us through repeated listening, repeated contemplation and repeated meditation, there can be no advancement in our spiritual growth, and without spiritual evolution, there can never be true happiness or peace of mind.”

Sometimes change seems easy and effortless. Other times, it can be the most difficult thing in the world. One of the ways I have changed lately is to really take in what people tell me, to listen more than I talk, and to show more respect to those around me. That was actually one of the easier things I’ve done.

This project is one of the more difficult tasks; things that create real change in your life always will be. I spend a little more time each day in meditation, reflecting not only on the day’s lesson, but also on the events of my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself in that time; such as how many things have gone awry and how often everything seems to just fall apart at the most inconvenient times. However, I don’t regret anything that’s gone wrong in my life. Every step has led me to this moment, and with the changes that are happening, I can’t be upset about any of the bad things that’ve happened.

It’s slow progress, but I can feel the peace settling over me with each passing day. My mind is opening and so is my heart, and with those two things comes a happiness I haven’t known in a very long time.

Blessed Be.

Days Nineteen & Twenty

“Keeping an open mind and open heart, replacing all judgment with compassion, and peace will surely follow.”

“Don’t under-estimate the power of cause and effect. We are solely responsible for the direction in which we wish to lead our lives.”

Happy New Year, everyone! It’s been a very eventful 48 hours. Some of it was good, some not so good, but very eventful. Since I was so busy with NYE festivities, I neglected my blog last night, so I’m including today’s lesson as well as yesterday’s lesson. Let me be perfectly clear on this point: I did not reflect on the lesson at all yesterday. I don’t feel bad about it, however, as I do not feel it has negatively impacted my overall progress.

Everyone can be judgmental sometimes. It’s just a fact of life. Because of some of my personal quirks and beliefs, I really do try to keep an open. Why? Because if I am open-minded and respect the ideas, beliefs, and lifestyle choices of others, there is a greater chance that they will extend the same courtesies to me.

As far as the open heart goes….I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit on the jaded side. It is difficult for me to open up to people because I am afraid of being hurt. Unfortunately, this thinking has led me to build a wall around my heart that will not allow anyone in. I’m working on slowly taking down my wall, since I know that it will cause more pain for me to remain distant than to allow people into my life. Not as easy a task as some may think, but I am working on it. I know some of you reading this may have done the same as me, and you feel safe with your hear barricaded from the world, but there is a flaw in the design. Your heart may be “safe” all blocked in, but it is also a lonely prison. The only person with the key is you, and it may be difficult and you may get hurt, but the alternative is to exist in an empty life; because that’s what a life without love – whether the love of friends and family, or that of a lover – cannot truly be lived.

Cause and effect is an interesting thing to watch. I have watched myself and others both reap the benefits of choices made, and suffer the consequences. Every action we make, every decision, everything we do; it all has an effect on the world around us. Don’t believe me? Try watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” sometime. I know that I sometimes think of what my life would be like if only one decision had been different. One pivotal moment, that one time something horrifyingly awful happens; what would life be like if I had made a decision that prevented that event instead of allowing it? My life would be drastically different right now, but I would have missed out on the greatest gift in my life – my daughter – as well as some of the best friends I’ve ever known.

Even the most insignificant actions have an effect. But it really is more than just my life that is effected by my decisions, my family and friends, my coworkers and customers, even complete strangers are effected daily by things I do. I’ve made mistakes in my life – we all have – but my mistakes have led me to this exact moment, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

Know what they real key to peace and happiness? Don’t dwell on the past. Take responsibility for your actions, let go of your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move on with your life.

Blessed Be.

Caught Again

It has been quite a while since I composed a blog. For several weeks, I was unsure of how to proceed, or even if I should; but I feel it is necessary to share my experiences (and mistakes) with others. So, here goes.

I have been feeling "off" lately, though I could not explain why. Several times, I would find myself thinking things that would never have come to my mind without being planted there. I took it as the fluctuating hormones of my cycle and pushed it aside. Tonight as I sat at my laptop, contemplating the vastness of existence, I began to feel "off" again. This time, instead of pushing the feeling away, I analyzed it. In doing so, I recognize its source, and I cannot say that I am very happy about it.

For those of you who read my blog Something's Missing, you will know that I have been longing for my past connections with the supernatural. I so desired to reconnect with that part of my life, that I posted it for the world to read - almost as a wish or prayer for the connection to be rekindled.

Ever heard the saying "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well, I got it. The "off" that I have been feeling lately is an entity I encountered during my Naval training...and not a particularly friendly one, at that. I am unable to do much tonight, but tomorrow I will be banishing evil from my house and then protecting it.

I have a few spells in mind to use, but they will need to be adapted to suit my needs. Once I have done that, I will post them (just in case someone else has need of something similar). Specifically, I will be making Holy Water for the first time and using it in the protection. I'm still trying to figure out the banishing ritual/spell. It should not be too difficult to find, though.

This is only the start, however, since I do intend to leave my house, and will need to have some sort of protection to keep on my person as well.

I will let you know tomorrow or Saturday how everything goes.

Blessed Be

Not Much Fun

The past week has been filled with negativity. It all started with my modem dying last Wednesday. I have been listening to peaceful, calming music for days now and it doesn't seem to help calm my mind at all. The worst part is that I feel as though my life is spiraling into a pit of despair and there is nothing I can do to stop it. If I take a few deep breaths I can focus my mind, but it doesn't last. I feel as if there is something forcing the negativity into my very soul, and until I can figure out what that thing is, the days are just going to seem worse.

Perhaps the problem is that I am keeping secrets from my family. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I haven't told my parents that I decided to go back to school. Why not? For the same reason I haven't told them about my spiritual and religious beliefs: I am afraid of a negative, non-supportive response. Every decision in my life boils down to that one little thing. I am afraid of my parents' disapproval.

What I need is a way to let go of that fear and become confident in my choices. If anyone out there has a spell for releasing negative energy from your life, or letting go of your fears, please share. I would love a little bit of help right about now.

Intuition

Ever have a "gut feeling," a "hunch," or know something because of "instinct?" All of this leads to the same thing: intuition. Many of the people I know have not learned to trust their intuition; most probably don't even know what it really is when it interrupts their day.

I was once like that; I used to get a "feeling" about people or places. There are a few note-worthy occasions. When I was 19, I was in training on a military base built on an old airfield. "Wrong" is the only word I can think of to describe how I felt around one of the air strips. I hated going there alone and would only do so when I had no other choice. After my transfer and the increased popularity of the internet, I found out there had been a fire that killed a flight crew on that strip.

I've had similar experiences with locations around the world, but it is not limited to places. There have been more times than I can count that I get the same feeling about a person - that feeling of something being wrong. No matter how many times I have tried to ignore it or prove it wrong, if I go against my intuition when it comes to people, it always comes back to bite me on the butt. More than once, I have found myself in a dangerous situation because I trusted someone even though my intuition was telling me not to.

Now that I am older and wiser, I know to trust my feelings, but I cannot regret the mistakes I made in the past. Why do I not regret? Several reasons, the first of which is that, those who do not make mistakes cannot learn from them. Second, I would not be as strong a person as I am today. Finally, through one of my mistakes, I was given a beautiful gift that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

How do I know if my intuition is warning me about something or someone? In the simplest terms, I get a feeling. For example, I will shake someone's hand when introduced and my stomach will suddenly be in knots and I feel sick. Several times, I just thought it was something that I had eaten earlier not agreeing with me; instead, it is my intuition warning me that this person is dangerous or not what he or she seems to be. I have since learned to trust these feelings, now that I know what they are.

I am reading a book right now that is helping me to further develop my intuition. While not necessarily related to Paganism and spirituality, I feel that developing your intuition and learning to trust it are important. I chose Paganism because it helps me to feel at peace; both with myself, and with the world around me. As far as I'm concerned, until you can recognize what your intuition is trying to tell you and to trust it, you cannot find peace and balance within yourself.

Of course, that's just me.

Blessed Be