Not Much Fun

The past week has been filled with negativity. It all started with my modem dying last Wednesday. I have been listening to peaceful, calming music for days now and it doesn't seem to help calm my mind at all. The worst part is that I feel as though my life is spiraling into a pit of despair and there is nothing I can do to stop it. If I take a few deep breaths I can focus my mind, but it doesn't last. I feel as if there is something forcing the negativity into my very soul, and until I can figure out what that thing is, the days are just going to seem worse.

Perhaps the problem is that I am keeping secrets from my family. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I haven't told my parents that I decided to go back to school. Why not? For the same reason I haven't told them about my spiritual and religious beliefs: I am afraid of a negative, non-supportive response. Every decision in my life boils down to that one little thing. I am afraid of my parents' disapproval.

What I need is a way to let go of that fear and become confident in my choices. If anyone out there has a spell for releasing negative energy from your life, or letting go of your fears, please share. I would love a little bit of help right about now.

Music is Powerful

I went to a baseball game last night. It's been years since I went to any sporting event and I forgot that they have someone sing the National Anthem before the game starts. Now, I'm pretty sure there weren't many (if any) other Pagans in the audience, but that made no difference. There was a great deal of positive energy flowing from and through the crowd as we all stood and listened. And as I stood there, I realized that music can influence is a magical thing. Music has the power to influence large groups of people; it can induce feelings of peace and love and joy, or it can fill a room with anger and hatred. It is a truly amazing thing.

I am going to start incorporating music into my meditation and prayer. Since certain songs can raise my energy levels, it seems reasonable to believe that it can assist in anything I do which requires focused energy (meditation, spells, rituals) and thus increase the likelihood of success.

Last night, I felt something in that crowd that I haven't felt in a very long time: true patriotism, love for our country, and a unity of spirit and mind throughout the stadium I didn't realize existed anymore. And it was a beautiful moment that I will remember and cherish.

Blessed Be