“Inner peace does not come about through retreating from the
world, but by functioning in the world without being shackled by the confines
of self-centered desires.”
If this is true, I’m never finding inner peace. In all
fairness, I’m not self-centered all the time, but it does take up a decent
portion of my day. I have been a little less lately. Not really saying I’ve
become a saint or anything like that, just little things. Like many others, I
have a touch of OCD; a side effect of this is that I love numbers. I find math
and number puzzles very soothing. So when I am feeling anxious or bored, I find
a way to play with numbers. One of my favorite things to do along these lines
is “What If” scenarios, in which I look at the lottery jackpot and plan what I
would do with the money if I were to win.
Yesterday was one such day. I spent hours working on my
spreadsheet. There are many things on the list that are just for me - such as a
trip to England – but there are also things for others. I’ve always had listed
to pay off my parents’ house and buy my sis one, but now I’m thinking bigger. I
have specific dollar amounts listed to donate to local and international
charities each month (should I someday win); I want to open a horse-therapy
organization in my area (where people can come to learn self-confidence and
independence); helping my friends realize their dreams. The list goes on, and
(had I actually won last night) I am barely scratching the surface of what I
could accomplish.
Yes, I know writing things like this down doesn’t prove I’m
less self-centered, but the fact that I’m thinking of more than just myself and
my immediate family shows me that I am making progress. It may not seem like
much to those reading my blog, but it is a huge step to me.
Still haven’t quite made it to the “inner peace” level yet;
I’m still pretty far off that mark. But it is nice to know someone as selfish
as me can be changed by a little reflection.
That about wraps it up for tonight. Goodnight, and Blessed
Be.
