Peer Pressure

As I sit here on the couch today, I am contemplating the cycles of my spirituality. When I first started out, I had a few friends with me to help me learn and develop. They were encouraging and patient and all-around fabulous. Unfortunately, we were all in the military and once we had our orders, I never really saw or heard from them again. I remained strong in my beliefs and practices for several years after our parting.

Through the natural happenings of living in small spaces with too many people, I made some new friends. When I began hanging out with these friends outside of work, I realized that they (and the others they associated with) were all Christians (not that there's anything wrong with that). As another year went by, I found myself pressured to hide my religion from them, even though they all knew I was Pagan. My reasoning for this was that if they thought I had given up the "evil ways of Paganism and Witchcraft" they would stop pressuring me to attend church with them.

I was wrong.

Instead, it encouraged their persistence. Eventually, I folded under the pressure and went with them. In an effort to fit in, I continued going for several months, but I never really felt like I belonged there. Word had somehow leaked about me and I had strangers coming up to me saying things like "I'm going to pray for your salvation." At that point, the only thing I needed saving from was my choice to attend church.

When the time came for me to be transferred to a new command, I couldn't have been more excited. I was able to detach from the people I had considered friends, but who never really accepted me for who I am. Once I was free of the oppression of my so-called "friends" I began to get back in touch with the only spiritual path which ever felt right: Paganism. I continued to develop for several years before I left the military, I was strong in my religion, but not my spirituality.

I returned home to California after too many years of being away. Almost immediately, I realized that I was in foreign territory. Both my parents were raised Christian, as was pretty much the entire family. With the exception of one of my cousins and his wife, I was alone in my beliefs. Not knowing how the family would take it, I hid that part of myself from those whom I felt would not understand. As the months turned into years, I had lost touch with the part of me that remained hidden away in the broom closet.

As I've previously written, my parents and daughter started attending church several months ago. The peer pressure I thought was gone from my life re-emerged each week for months as I have been repeatedly asked to join them. Though I still not professed the entire truth, I finally told my dad, as he was nagging me to join them to a Wednesday night event, that I had different views and beliefs and that I was in no way interested in joining them. The result of me doing this was a Sunday morning free of nagging while the rest of the household prepared for church.

If only I had done that years ago, perhaps I could have avoided the feeling that I never fit in when I was pressured into attending church.

So, for those out there who have been feeling pressure from family, even if you are not ready to come out of the broom closet, be honest if you are not interested in going to church or attending faith ceremonies which otherwise leave you feeling empty. Your family and friends will still love you for who you are, even if they do not understand your reasoning.

Be strong, and know that there are others out there having similar issues. Take comfort in the knowledge that there is a wonderful support network out there of people who share your religion and views, all you have to do is reach out and someone will be there to help you.

Blessed Be